A Pause In My Journey

                                      

Update: I haven't written for a while and people have contacted me to ask how I'm doing. The answer is: I'm doing fine.

It was August of 2016 when the spot on my lung was found. I refused an MRI and went on about my business. In May of 2017, I went to the emergency room for shortness of breath and total exhaustion. That's when the diagnosis of lung cancer was confirmed - along with congestive heart failure.

I declined to undergo treatment so my doctor did what she could to help with medication. Furosemide, which removes excess fluid retention did away with the shortness of breath. Iron pills, for my anemia, improved my energy level immensely.

And that's where I am today. I rather feel as if I was traveling along on my cancer journey until my body saw a rest area and said, "let's just stop here for a while." Of course, I had no choice in the matter but that was fine with me.

So now, I'm parked on a picnic table, with a cup of coffee and a cigarette, watching autumn turn into winter. I'm grateful that I'm not working and I don't have to worry about scraping windshields or navigating bad roads.

I was outside a convenience store the other day, smoking a cigarette while I waited for Brenda. A rather tubby 50-ish man saw me smoking and came over to me, raising his shirt up to his neck. He had a long, fat, ugly scar running from his chest to his navel.

"Let me show you what smoking can do," he said.

I smiled and said - "too late."

He told me he'd been through hell with surgery, chemo, radiation, infusions, sickness.

"And still," he said, "the last doctor's appointment I had, they informed me I have about 3-6 months to live."

"Well, enjoy life while you can. That's what I'm doing."

"Huh," he scoffed, "what to enjoy when you know you're going to die?"

Our conversation ended there but I thought to myself. I'll get to see another NASCAR champion crowned even if the winner isn't my choice. I got to see Jamie and Claire find each other again on the Outlander. I've read many books I've enjoyed. I visited with one of my oldest friends in Indianapolis. LeAnn came and spent almost a week with me. My cousin, Max, is coming on the 14th. My other favorite cousin, Shirley calls me and we have long nostalgic conversations about The Family back in the day. My old stand-by friends, Brenda, Jan and Blythe, come several times a week. I got to see the Democrats win in Virginia and New Jersey in what I hope is a repudiation of Donald Trump.

Some day, my body will say, "time to continue on our journey" but until then, I'm happy sitting right her at this picnic table watching the world go by.