How To Talk To A Person With Cancer

                                           

The very first rule if someone you care about has cancer, is not to NOT talk to them. I have a couple of friends who've avoided me since they heard the news. I saw one of them the other day and he said, "I'm sorry I haven't been around to see you but I didn't know what to say."

I told him, "say exactly what you would have said if you didn't know."

I'm not shy about it and I'll answer any questions anyone may have but it's not exactly my favorite subject either. I'd rather hear about your kids, your grandkids, your pets, your job or your vacation.

I'm not going to make things awkward for you by throwing myself sobbing into your arms. I'm not a crier. (I'm much more likely to curse than cry). I'm not looking for pity or sympathy. Just treat me like you always did.

Here are some things people have actually said to me:

"I'm sorry you're dying."

Me "Well, you're probably not half as sorry as I am."

I had lunch with a friend and saw a tear trickling down her cheek. I asked what twas wrong was and she said, "you're going to die."

Me: "Yeah, but I think we have time to finish our lunch first."

One woman spent 20 minutes talking about how she'd lost her sister to cancer the year before and how excruciating it was at the end.

No, that's not really the conversation I want to have.

Another person told me, "what do you expect after all those years of smoking?"

"Well," I said, lighting up a cigarette, "we all have to die of something, don't we? Even you."

As I've said before,  I appreciate those who've told me they are praying for me even if I don't believe exactly as they do, I think the prayers of someone who cares about you,surround you with a positive aura....but, please don't try to convert me at the last minute by telling me I'll descend into burning hell if I don't accept Jesus (or whoever) into my heart.

Is that something you can just decide to do even if you don't feel it? Doesn't conversion have to be genuine for it to really mean anything? Can you say okay just to play it safe and cover your bases? That doesn't sound religious to me but rather, mercenary.

Another thing I really, really do appreciate is the suggestions people give me for overcoming cancer. I know they have my best interests at heart,  but at this point, if I swallowed all the pills and ate all the herbs and scarfed down all the fruits (some of which I've never heard of and drank all the potions and added seaweed to my diet and rubbed myself with magic cream from Australia, my whole life would revolve around cancer. I don't want it to do that.

I don't want it to be the main thought my life revolves around but rather, just an after thought, that will bring what it will bring.